"For all you gals struggling over what to give your husband or father for Father's Day, a gift certificate from Priscilla's or the Lion's Den or Russell Stover's should work."

It's a good idea for husbands, as long as they don't get caught buying gifts for their girlfriends instead of their wives.

"Hey, you guys know the difference between God and a lawyer? God doesn't think he's a lawyer."

Here's another one: Old lawyers don't die. They just lose their appeal.

"To the caller who called in about brown greens, well, I play on sand greens and the guys who play on regular golf courses wouldn't stand a chance against me."

That's not a sand green you're putting around in. It's a sand trap.

"I'm tired of the 333 line editors letting people use the 333 line as a put-down column and pointing their fingers at people. Why can't you present more different sides of the issue?"

Where's the fun in that?

"I've always considered myself an open-minded person, but if you don't allow this vampire to live in Salina, I'm moving to Bennington."

Go ahead and move north. We have plenty of bloodsuckers in Salina.

"I was reading the comments for restaurant inspection and I was wondering how the health department knows the nationality of cockroaches and whether they're male or female."

They strap on tiny lie detectors and ask them their age and natural hair color.

"The North Ohio overpass is built over an alluvial fault. If it lasts 10 years, it will crack me up."

Don't sleep under it. You'll be flattered.

"The only way our tax rebate check will help our economy is if you purchase something that is American-made. Think about it."

It will help out more if you buy something made in Salina, like a pothole.

"Please, Salina Journal staff, find another way to amuse yourself besides 'Talking Back to Ext. 333.' Readers expect and deserve more substance in the editorial. Looking forward to it being gone."

Don't tell the editor we said this, but we think there's more substance in "Talking Back" than in his editorials.

-- Journal staff