"If you idiots don't wear a seat belt or don't wear a motorcycle helmet, please fill out an organ donor card. I hope you are smart enough to do that."

Please, sign the donor card. We know you have a heart. (And a kidney or two.)

"Those of us who live on The Hill weren't outside doing the fireworks. We were outside watching them at the Country Club. That's why you didn't read our names in the paper."

Just wait until they set up a DUI check lane on Marymount Street and Country Club Road. The Journal will need more pages to list the names.

"In Italy, we call them the Mafia. In Columbia, we call them Drug Lords. In the USA, we call them Lobbyists."

Besides Lobbyists, we also have Politicians and the Big Political Donors that pull their strings.

"Wow. Coach Mangino sure got a nice raise. I'm wondering about the KU professors. Did they get a raise?"

They didn't need one. They don't have Mangino's grocery bills.

"Is there some unwritten law in Salina that says all men must develop fat guts and balding heads when they turn 35? If so, we sure have a lot of good, law-abiding citizens."

Next time, send a photo with your complaint. We might need more unwritten laws for appearance.

"The summer lunch program is wonderful and the ladies at the Church of the Cross that serve it are so kind. Thank you so much."

Nice compliment on a good program. (Can you believe people actually complain about feeding hungry kids?)

"Old lady Salina has got to be the worst hostess in Kansas. She invites customers to her party and brings them over the north Salina railroad tracks. My, my, what a disgrace."

You must have missed the turn for Ohio Street. We have a nice new bridge that improves the view. Besides, all those burned-out green lights take our minds off the railroad tracks.

"To the rich people of Salina; Buy us a swimming pool, and we will name it after you."

Don't hold your breath. Those rich folks already have their swimming pool -- it's in their backyards.

-- Journal staff