"My parents knew, but I didn't tell anybody else," said Brown, a Salina resident.

Her story was part of the final session of "Living Pants Up in a Pants Down World," a two-day sexual purity retreat at Webster Conference Center.

In front of the youngsters, adult sponsors and many parents, Brown, 47, told her story for the third time in public in Salina. It was the first time for a couple of moms in the audience -- one of them a high school classmate and the other a longtime friend.

"When you have sinned, you take that and you stuff it. You don't deal with it," Brown said. "I didn't tell my best friend, but I'm here to tell you about this so you guys can make right choices."

Deciding to have an abortion, Brown checked into the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City, Kan., and shared a room with four other girls. She did not know how long she'd been pregnant.

Brown said she was given medicine meant to kill her baby on Dec. 13, 1977.

"In the night, I went into labor. I didn't know what was happening to me. At 11:20 (p.m.), I delivered a baby and the baby cried. I said 'no this can't be.' "

The next day, doctors and nurses asked Brown what she wanted to do with her baby, and she opted to "sign it over" to the hospital.

"I found out I had been 7 months pregnant. Had I known, I would have never made that choice. I left the baby there. I signed it over. I stuffed it. I went on with my life," Brown said.

Fourteen days later, she received a letter from the medical center informing her that the baby had "expired."

Brown said she continued through her life, met a "great guy," got married and was blessed with four sons.

But they always wondered why mom was so sad around the Christmas season.

"I had to tell my four boys ... that I have a son and that he would have been 30 years old if I hadn't killed him. He lived 11 days," Brown said. "It's a real thing that caused years of depression, guilt and agony. Without Jesus, I would still be stuffing this, living in pain."

Her talk had an impact on the audience, said Geena Kejr, Brookville, who attended with her daughter, Michelle Kejr, a freshman at Ell-Saline High School.

Geena Kejr has known Brown since they were young parents attending First Covenant Church, 2625 E. Magnolia, and was not aware of what she went through as a teenager.

"I was shocked and in awe that she was able, with such poise, to share her story. Probably the thing that gets to you most is you never know what your friend's going through when they stuff something so deep inside," Geena Kejr said.

She said she was proud of Brown for sharing something that could benefit others.

"We shouldn't hide our own stories, pretending we're all OK, when it could be helpful to other people," she said.

"How brave of her to tell that story. How great it was for kids to have that knowledge," said Angela Allen, who attended the final session with her daughter, Savannah Allen, 13, an eighth-grader at Ell-Saline Middle School.

The two-day retreat focused on staying sexually pure until marriage, said Robin Kejr, director at the Pregnancy Service Center. The center, a nonprofit Christian ministry, sponsored the retreat with the Salina Youth Ministry Alliance and KJIL Christian radio station. The topics were timely, she said, given that the pregnancy center's 250 plus new clients last year represented a 62 percent increase from 2006.

There were speeches from two people who remained abstinent until marriage, and a teenage girl who recently gave birth to a child and gave it up for adoption.

The words from the teenager and Shana Brown will stick with the youths, said Hannah Martin, 17, a junior at Salina South High School.

"The situations that both of them went through impacted the girls especially -- to help us stay abstinent. That's why they both spoke, so that we could learn from their mistakes," Martin said.

Featured were professional youth speakers Philip Gwoke, 36, and Garth Heckman, 43, of Black and White Productions United, Minneapolis, Minn., who provided some humorous, blunt and straight-forward information on the subject, Robin Kejr said.

The most difficult person to be is a junior high girl, they said, and second to that is a parent to a junior high student.

"It is hard growing up. You never fit in. You're never good enough," Gwoke said

This is the first generation with more parents than kids, said Heckman, referring to the stepfathers and stepmothers, boyfriends and girlfriends that are included as role models for some adolescents.

"Kids, get real. You are not prepared for this life. We assume that because we are parents and have kids, we get it. We don't," Heckman said. "Your kids are growing up way too fast."

Parents are here to "train" their children to be adults and shouldn't endeavor to be their friends, he said.

"Train up your child, teach them the way it should go. Students, listen to them. They know more than you," Heckman said.

He provided some tools to help parents in "raising your little monkeys." Adolescence will continue for some until they're 28 and some remain in that state for the rest of their lives, Heckman said.

He suggested that parents talk to their teenagers about what's most relevant to them, even if it's about video games. He advised youngsters to plan the right times and the right places to talk to their parents. The dinner table is not the place.

"We want it to be a safe haven," Heckman said.

Masturbation, petting, fondling and breast development are topics that should be open for discussion, he said.

"As uncomfortable as it may be, they want to have that conversation. 'The talk' is an ongoing discussion," Heckman said.

In a world with cell phones and televisions with hundreds of channels, he suggested that the system is rearing our children.

"We as parents have dropped the ball. You can't microwave your kids for 60 seconds. Learn how to respond, how to build a bridge and not a wall," Heckman said.

Sex affects you more than physically, he said.

"You're worth waiting for. Virginity is a one-time gift you give away," Heckman said.

Matthew Martin, 12, a seventh-grader at Lakewood Middle school found the retreat to be a good event where he could learn and share.

"I thought it was like a health class, except is was funnier and more open," Matthew said.

n Reporter Tim Unruh can be reached at 822-1419 or by e-mail at tunruh@salina.com.