11/2/2009
By TIM UNRUH/Salina Journal

Days were long, dreary and frightening for Melissa and P.J. Doherty as their baby, Tyler, struggled at Wesley Medical Center in Wichita.

But it wasn't long before they found comfort from other Kansas families suffering for similar reasons. They connected in a common place -- a Ronald McDonald House.

The support and encouragement they garnered from each other in the fall of 2000, while seven babies were being tended to in the neonatal intensive care unit at Wesley, formed an enduring bond.

"Once we started meeting each other, it was such a calming environment that we gave each other," Melissa said.

The Ronald McDonald House offered a "home-away-from-home so close to our sick baby," Melissa wrote in her account of the experience. It was coupled with an "amazing support system to help us through such a difficult time."

All seven infants recovered and are leading normal lives throughout the state. They formed Preemie Pals and have reunited several times, at least once a year.

"The happy part is they have vowed to continue this, and the kids will stay friends for a lifetime," said Susan Smythe, CEO/executive director of Ronald McDonald House Charities of Wichita.

"They're happy to see each other. They laugh. Sometimes they cry when they remember their situations," she said. "It's all due to meeting in the Ronald McDonald House."

When RMH Charities of Wichita was preparing to celebrate its 25th anniversary last year, clients were asked to share their stories.

When Ronald McDonald House's Charities Global made the same request in advance of this year's 35th anniversary, the Preemie Pals story, written by Melissa Doherty, was chosen. She is the media manager for Land Pride Division Great Plains Manufacturing, 1525 E. North.

Smythe and her staff were told in August at the RMH International Conference in Chicago, that Preemie Pals would snare the focus of this campaign.

"We were shocked, so surprised, so excited. They got so many stories," Smythe said.

When the Preemie Pals families got together in September in Wichita, a photographer showed up to take pictures for a Ronald McDonald House national advertising campaign.

An advertisement will appear in Saturday's USA Today.

The campaign coincides with Ronald McDonald House kicking off McHappy Day, the company's largest annual fundraiser, and the 35th anniversary of the first Ronald McDonald House, which opened in Philadelphia in 1974.

Today, there are 291 Ronald McDonald Houses in 30 countries that collectively assist 3.7 million children and their families each year, according to RMH Charities in Wichita.

Those early days of Tyler's life have faded a bit for the Dohertys. A third-grader at Grace E. Stewart Elementary School, Tyler turned 9 today, His sister, Lexi, is in the first grade.

All seven of the Preemie Pals are healthy, Melissa said, and the families have stayed in touch and gather regularly.

The parents haven't forgotten what a blessing they were to each other.

"The kitchen was the central 'hub' at the house and at any point in the evening or weekend you could find at least one or two of the families there to sit with and share your day," Melissa said.

It had been a difficult pregnancy for Melissa, her first.

She was placed on total bed rest five months into it, and two weeks later was hospitalized at Salina Regional Health Center.

She was sent the next day to Wesley Medical Center where there was a neonatal intensive care unit. The Dohertys were warned that their baby had a high chance of disabilities.

"How do you pack not knowing if you'll be back home in two days without a baby, if you'll be hospitalized for months, or if he'll be in the hospital for months and you'll have nowhere to stay and be 90 minutes from home?" Melissa wrote.

Tyler was welcomed to the world Nov. 2, 2000, weighing just 2 pounds, 1 ounce.

"He was limp, ... blue and unresponsive at birth," Melissa wrote. "They immediately resuscitated him, put him on life support and whisked him away."

Tyler's father, P.J. Doherty, didn't see his son for three hours, and it was 10 hours before Melissa could visit him in the NICU.

The new parents were allowed to hold Tyler three days later, but only once daily for 15 minutes, if he was having a good day, "which was rare in the beginning," Melissa wrote.

She was dismissed from Wesley Nov. 5 , leaving the couple wondering what they would do.

"Luckily, we got a call from the Ronald McDonald House across the street," Melissa wrote.

A room had just opened up.

"We checked into what would quickly become our home away from home for the next two months," she wrote.

The clinical director at Kansas Care home health agency, 712 S. Ohio, P.J. drove back and forth to Wichita, leaving every morning at 5. He spoke often with Melissa over the phone.

Their lives were upended, P.J. said, and the goal was to stay positive and know that they would be able to go home someday.

Through his 63-day stay, Tyler encountered a brain bleed, numerous infections, three blood transfusions, three weeks under bilirubin lights where he wore sunglasses 24 hours a day, and many other issues. He was diagnosed with chronic lung disease.

"It took a long time, but there were a lot of things happening. Time went by quickly," P.J. said. "I think, over time, we tend to forget the bad parts and hold onto the good ones."

After seven weeks, Tyler was beginning to grow and was strong enough to handle a ride to Salina Regional Health Center.

Snowstorms twice canceled the trip.

"While it was disappointing to unpack each time, it was a relief to still have the warmth of the RMH house and the families we were so close with," Melissa wrote.

Doctors and nurses cheered as Tyler was rolled out of Wesley Medical's NICU, in an incubator.

"I followed the ambulance all the way to the Salina hospital, with a huge smile on my face," Melissa wrote. "I thought it would be comforting to at least be back in our hometown."

The Dohertys slept at Salina Regional and were closer to their baby than ever, but without the support group from Ronald McDonald House and the familiar faces from the Wichita hospital, Melissa wrote, "it just felt so empty and alone. I absolutely missed the comfort of the RMH and our new friends."

Volunteers at the house provided home-cooked meals and hand-sewn blankets for the babies.

The Dohertys took their son home from Salina Regional in January 2001, but there were more challenges. Tyler's immune system was compromised. Years of therapy followed, and more than 300 medical appointments before he turned 3.

Preemie Pals has continued to provide comfort for the families, Melissa said.

"Both of our kids are so excited for our reunions and to see the Preemie group each year," she wrote. "I'm extremely proud that our children realize how important it is to stay connected to organizations like the RMH and that even at their young age, they are continually helping to give back by sharing our story to hopefully inspire others to support the RMH, as well."

The Dohertys are "very grateful to Ronald McDonald House," P.J. said, "not only for the place to stay, but for the emotional support and peer support from others in the same situation."

It was crucial for the moms, he said, who had to deal with the solitude during the week, while their husbands were at work.

"A lot of times when Melissa was down there, it was her and Tyler and she didn't have the support of the family," P.J. said.

Ronald McDonald House "was great for me, but even more important for Melissa," P.J. said.

About 1,600 families are served a year at RMH Charities, of Wichita, Smythe said. There is a 10-bedroom house near Wesley Medical Center and another at Via Christi Health, on the St. Francis Campus. There is also a Ronald McDonald Family Room in Wesley Medical Center.

"We want people to know that we are here for them, to house their families who have sick children under 21," Smythe said.

The only criteria is that you live 30 miles from Wichita. Over the past 26 years, RMH has served families from all over Kansas, 45 states and 12 countries.

"We only ask $15 a night for the families to stay here. If they don't have it, we help them out anyway," Smythe said.

RMH Charities, of Wichita, is donation-based, with 16 percent of its operating budget coming from McDonald's. Donation boxes are located in restaurants.

McHappy Day is Nov. 20, when the restaurants provide donations when customers purchase certain menu items.

"We will try to encourage them to go to McDonalds and eat, eat, eat," Smythe said.

The rest of the Ronald McDonald house support comes from individuals, school groups, church groups, foundations, memorials and other organizations.

Many collect food and personal care items. Individuals or groups can also volunteer to help.

If you would like to give, visit www.rmhcwichita.org, or mail donations to 1110 N Emporia, Wichita, KS 67214.

"The Ronald McDonald House and Preemie Pals helped turn one of the most devastating events in our lives and turned it into one of the most positive experiences we've had," Melissa wrote.

n Reporter Tim Unruh can be reached at 822-1419 or by e-mail at tunruh@salina.com.