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Woman works for new life

Harris Group Poverty Series, Day 7 -- Runs Sat. Jan. 24

By EDIE ROSS

The Hutchinson News

At age 32, Tori Baxter has already lived two lifetimes.

These cold January mornings, she awakes alone in her bed, rouses her five children and helps them get ready for school while she gets ready for work.

Before the sun is up, Tori's mother, Donna Baxter, comes by the three-bedroom Hutchinson apartment, collects the kids and delivers them to their respective school and preschool buildings.

Tori heads off to work at a local assisted living facility, and laughs and smiles her way through her rounds as a certified nursing assistant.

Sometimes it is hard to be patient; elder care can be trying.

But Baxter reminds herself that the residents -- she calls them "my" residents -- need compassion and help.

And that is something she says she can relate to.

Early afternoon brings the end of Baxter's work day and the gathering of her kids from their schools.

For the rest of the afternoon and evening, Baxter simply enjoys having a home and her kids nearby. They watch movies, eat dinner and do homework. Baxter cleans and prepares for the next day.

Bedtime comes early -- not only for the kids, but also for Baxter, who is wonderfully, beautifully worn out from a day of complete normalcy.

In another lifetime

It is a far cry from Baxter's life two years ago - a time so foreign from her current existence that it feels like another lifetime.

It was the life of a woman who found herself at the bottom of a downward spiral that included drug use, physical abuse, losing custody of her children and, finally, homelessness.

Over the past week, the Harris Group newspapers have explored poverty in Kansas -- a problem that often can be hidden in plain sight.

Past stories have outlined the challenges in housing, employment, education and social services, as well as the special difficulties of rural poverty.

Tori's story is about a person who has faced and overcome those hurdles.

Constant state of worry

When she was in her early twenties, Baxter was a divorced mother of two, whose poor handling of money led to multiple evictions and very little stability.

In 2003, Baxter married a second time. Three years later, she found herself with five children and living in Great Bend, where she'd awaken not to a quiet, neat three-bedroom apartment, but to a house in disarray.

On top of that, she admits her own poor cleaning habits -- the furniture would be overturned and knick-knacks broken in what Baxter describes as her husband's drug-induced rages.

Without dependable child care, keeping steady employment was nearly impossible.

In the place of routine was constant worry.

In place of quality time was a mother frantically trying to keep her children fed and clean.

The turning point between the two lifetimes came on an April afternoon when the Great Bend police, called by a citizen concerned about the welfare of Baxter's two oldest children, came to the house.

After finding the home, as Baxter describes it, "a total wreck," the police took the children into protective custody.

"I said, 'You aren't leaving here with my kids,' and he said, 'Ma'am, yes we are,' " Baxter said. "It was my lowest point. I can handle the being hit, but having my kids taken was the worst.

"I just wanted to die."

Baxter, who had stayed with her husband out of fear that she would be unable to care for five children alone, packed everything she could fit into her mother's car and moved back to Hutchinson -- by herself.

"I finally realized, I gotta get out of here or they aren't going to give my kids back," she said.

Got her kids back

The children, who had been placed with relatives, were returned to Baxter a week after she left Great Bend, even though she was living temporarily in a free room at the Grand Prairie Hotel and Convention Center.

Despite the joy of having her children back, Baxter faced a harsh reality.

She was a single mother of five, and homeless.

"I think I wallowed in self pity for awhile," Baxter said. "I felt like I didn't deserve to have my kids back. I had to realize that if I focused on that then I wasn't focusing on what they deserved.

"And no matter what I deserved, they deserved to have their mother. They deserve to have it all."

Tremendous guilt

That realization flipped a switch, and Baxter got to work becoming the woman she is today.

She immediately took a job as a full-time housekeeper at the Grand Prairie Hotel, and a family member offered to watch her children while she got back on her feet.

Next, Baxter was accepted into a transitional housing program for the homeless. The program, offered through an organization called New Beginnings, not only provided her with shelter, but also life coaching and other support.

Baxter and her children stayed in a one-room apartment at New Beginnings' transitional housing facility for nine months.

While there, she worked through emotional issues related to losing custody of her children.

"Tori came in with tremendous guilt over having her kids in that situation," said Jim Kanady, New Beginnings program director. "We really came at her with, 'Let's get your feet under you and heal a little and then find direction.' "

After Baxter gained some stability, her life coaching focused mainly on budgeting.

"I had never really budgeted before," Baxter said. "I'd pay one bill and then spend the rest of my money on what I wanted. I had to learn to think about things like, 'How much money will you need for gas or diapers?' Things like that."

Because Baxter had lost custody of her children, she also had to complete a year-long family preservation plan administered through St. Francis Community Services.

She completed it in two months.

Baxter was making strides, but she had to work for every bit of progress.

"I had to stay focused," she said. "My ex-husband would try to contact me, and I knew I just had to stay on what I was doing. I would tell myself, 'I am going to work, this is what I'm going to do, I want to get out of here, I want my kids to have room to play.' "

Before long, Baxter and her children were able to move into New Beginnings' low-income permanent housing program, which provided a larger two-bedroom apartment and continued support services.

Would not be defeated

On top of a full-time job and parenting five children, Baxter enrolled in classes to gain her CNA license.

"Once Tori knew she was in a stable place, she found out what she needed to do to be successful and then she busted her tail," Kanady said. "No matter what the hurdles, she would not be defeated."

Shortly after earning the license, Baxter was hired into her current job at Elm Grove Estates, where she has worked for nearly a year.

"I wanted to do something positive," Baxter said. "I wanted to help take care of people and do something other than what I had been doing -- floating around from job to job. I wanted to have some security and some stability and to be someone my kids could look up to."

The family stayed with New Beginnings for another nine months. In November 2008, they moved out on their own and into a three-bedroom apartment.

Baxter said the way she and her children were treated at New Beginnings played a part in her ability to successfully leave the program.

"New Beginnings didn't treat me like I was different or like I was a burden to them," she said. "They were there to help, but I also had to help myself."

Now fully self-sufficient, Baxter looks at her past from a different perspective.

"I hate to look at it this way, but them taking my kids turned out to be a good thing," she said. "It got me away from (my ex-husband) and that lifestyle. I had to make a choice between him and my kids.

"To me there was no choice."

Wants more of success

Donna Baxter remembers the day her daughter came home from Great Bend -- the stress, the emotion, the struggle.

"It's a different lifetime," Donna Baxter said. "I don't see that anymore. I see her turned around.

"She is happy."

Not only that, she is determined, Donna Baxter said.

Kanady agreed.

"Tori can tackle anything now," he said, smiling.

And she intends to.

Baxter hopes one day to have saved enough to buy a house.

She knows it is a steep goal, but she will get there, inch by inch.

She's already experienced success with her new budgeting skills, saving enough to buy her children Christmas presents for the first time in a while.

She wants to taste more of that kind of success.

Baxter also wants to further her schooling by getting her medication aide license, which will allow her to administer medicine and also will push her higher on the pay scale

"And eventually, maybe I will try for a home health aid and an LPN license," Baxter said.

Baxter believes her children are doing better as well.

Her mother agrees.

"They love school, and they are very smart," Donna Baxter said. "Even though that's a grandma saying that, it's true."

There's no hiding the past

The children also are gaining an education from their mother, who is open about her mistakes in an effort to keep her children from repeating them.

"There is no point in hiding it," Baxter said. "I can't change it or make it go away. They know where we were -- that we were homeless. So if they know what got us there, then maybe they won't do the same thing and make the same mistakes."

With so much behind her, Baxter insists on looking to what is ahead -- a better future.

"We just keep taking steps," she said. "That is something I learned at New Beginnings. Just focus on taking small steps."

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