DEAR AMY: My wife and I have been married for five years. This is a second marriage for both of us.

Combined, we have six children and three grandchildren.

My wife's 25-year-old son is still living with us. He works two jobs and is not making a single contribution to the family.

This young man comes home, walks into the house and doesn't say hello to either his mother or me.

I mow the lawn, take out the trash, cook dinner -- you name it. He does nothing.

He lives in his bedroom like a recluse, and his mother allows him to bring his girlfriend over for the night whenever he wants.

Essentially, I feel I'm paying for a free ride for someone who does not even like me. It's eating me alive.

I think he should be paying room and board, mowing the lawn, picking up the newspaper instead of stepping over it, occasionally taking out the trash, and if he wants to be with his girlfriend, then pay for a room as I did when I was his age. -- Fed Up

DEAR FED UP: You think this grown man should be mowing the lawn, taking out the trash and contributing to your household?

I completely disagree.

Don't get me wrong -- your stepson should be doing all of these things, but not in your home, in his.

Stop seething and initiate his eviction notice.

I can only assume that your wife is either helplessly weak and wimpy when it comes to her son -- or perhaps he is blackmailing her for a crime she committed well before you arrived on the scene. Now her behavior is stunting his growth.

You and your wife need to have a serious conversation with each other and then with him, with the goal of seeing a U-Haul in front of your house by the first of the year and his bedroom being loaded into it. You and your wife must be on the same page with this -- it might convince her if you indicate that if her son doesn't use the U-Haul, you will.

Once he has moved out, you'll both wonder what took you so long.

DEAR AMY: I have two small children, ages 5 and 7. Recently friends told them that they do not believe in Santa Claus.

I was heartbroken when my children reported this to me.

I have no problem with parents who want to talk with their children about such things, but they should also respect those who want to keep the magic of Santa alive in the hearts of their children.

My comment is just this: When you have decided to talk to your little ones about Santa, please also stress to them the importance of not ruining the magic for other children.

Please remind the children to keep that little nugget to themselves. -- Mrs. Claus

DEAR MRS. CLAUS: Every year at this time I make my annual confession to having a weakness for all things Santa. I assume this goes straight back to my own childhood holiday memories during an era when parents never told children anything important and we remained blissfully in thrall to the mysteries of Christmas.

There always will be playground spoilsports, and the sooner you and your children adjust to this reality, the brighter your season will be. (Even if parents did ask their children to keep their Santa theories private, I know no child who could resist the lure of a good piece of Santa gossip.)

For your children, the answer to the question of whether Santa exists should be, "Do you believe? That's the only important thing."

If they ask if you believe in Santa, you can quote me: "Absolutely!"

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says....
to Fed Up - I understand what you are saying and I agree w/ you completely. I am in a similar situation the only difference is mine is my husbands mother. not a step-son. GOOD LUCK
12/2/2008

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says....
Dear Mrs. Claus, I think the question should be do you believe in God, not santi claus.
12/2/2008

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says....
On a holiday that celebrates the Lord Jesus Christ, I will not lie (SIN) to my children about a santa claus. jc
12/2/2008

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