DEAR AMY: I am a teenage girl and the complete antithesis of the other girls at my school. Instead of being a guest at the party, I would rather be behind the scenes cooking/cleaning/serving.

My peers strike me as materialistic and frivolous, and I would rather go on a bike ride or spend time with my family than hang out with people at my school. If thrust into a social situation, I'd rather be with the adults.

Even though this makes me happy, I'm afraid I won't develop the social skills necessary to be successful. How can I prove that, yes, I am sitting alone at lunch of my own choosing and am enjoying it?

I'm on antidepressants because it controls some irritability issues I have. I used to see a therapist, but it was too expensive and the therapist proved ineffectual. -- Unorthodox

DEAR UNORTHODOX: If you enjoy sitting by yourself at lunch, then you shouldn't have to prove it to anyone. That's one of the pleasures of being "unorthodox" -- it inoculates you from having to prove yourself.

Even though your view from the lunchroom may indicate otherwise, you need to realize that the world is not a monolithic state in which everyone is the same and only you are different.

What you neglect to recognize is that there are most likely other unorthodox students in your school, and while unorthodoxy doesn't necessarily love company, it would serve you well to realize you are not alone.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the company of adults, but you say you are worried about it. Interacting with people your age doesn't automatically make you just like the other kids -- it simply means that you can share yourself with others who might enjoy and understand you.

You should also examine your moods and habits to make sure you aren't depressed. Explore this with your folks.

DEAR AMY: A cousin whom I only see during the holidays invited me to her wedding but not to her bridal shower (with 50 or more guests attending).

It didn't bother me until, at a family gathering, I was informed by the bride's mother that I was not invited to the shower because I was "too poor."

That comment stung. My fiance and I own a home, pay the bills on time and have never asked to borrow money from friends or family.

I thought I should send my cousin a nice gift with a nice note wishing her shower to be everything she hoped it would be.

My fiance thinks I was being ridiculous and should just laugh it off, seeing as this bridal shower appears to be about gifts anyway.

I see his point, but I can't help but feel as though my pride is on the line.

Any suggestions? -- Not Breaking the Bank

DEAR BANK: Your instinct to answer this insult by providing a gift for a function to which you were not invited makes me want to tell you about (but not invite you to) my upcoming birthday party.

I agree with your boyfriend that your reaction is ridiculous.

In addition to laughing this off, you should congratulate yourself for dodging the dreaded shower scam.

If you're in the mood to spend some of your money, do it taking your boyfriend out for dinner.

He sounds very sensible.

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